What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
