i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
