Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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