Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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