i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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