Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
