Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
