is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
