Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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