If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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