census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize