dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
