There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
