it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
