ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
