for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
