My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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