you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
