I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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