she peed on how many people?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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