yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
