You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
