I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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