So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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