Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
