based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
