I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
