dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize