I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want her autograph on my taint
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
