Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think your dad took our porno
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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