Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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