and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
