Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
