I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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