I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
