we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
