Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
