I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
