Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
