Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
