she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
