do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
