I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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