Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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