In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
