ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize