Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is wine microwaveable?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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