I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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