I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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