you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
