I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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