You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
