I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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