ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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