So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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