she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
