Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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