Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize