Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
