I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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