Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she told me i tasted like america
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
