is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
