I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
