I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
