also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
