yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize