I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
