all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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