just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
