im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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